Yesterday I didn't feel to great. I went to bed and when I woke up I had two new voice mails. I listened, they were from my bestest.
She said "I heard you found out. Call me"
Next message, "I totally understand if you don't want to talk about it but call me anyway and we will talk about something else."
My reaction.... none.... I had no idea what she was talking about....
Me, "Hey, What's up?"
Kaitlyn,"Heard you found out. Do you want to talk about it?"
Me, "Found what out?"
Kaitlyn, "Oh.... This is awkward."
Me,"Found what out Kaitlyn?"
Kaitlyn,"I don't know if I should tell you."
Me,"If it's about me don't you think I ought to know?
Kaitlyn,"You're sure you want to know?"
Kaitlyn,"So Megan came up to me today and asked if there was anyone else I could room with because there are 2 other people who want to room with them."
Me,"2 people how is that gunna work if you left the room there would only be room for 1 person?"
Kaitlyn,"Well she asked me if I would leave because you weren't going to be there so I wouldn't really know anyone in the room.... You see Mr. DeHann said you couldn't go cause you haven't been there to learn the music.... Sorry....
Ashy.... are you there?"
Me,"Yeah.(soft sob) Can I call you back later?"
Kaitlyn,"Sure. See ya."
I lay in bed crying for a few minutes..... I think to myself.... What always makes you feel better?..............................................
Blasting my music and Cooking something wonderful.....
So that is what I did.
I made chicken Alfredo on noodles, bread sticks, and corn.
I didn't care that the only thing I could eat was the chicken and corn. I didn't care who ate it, if anyone at all, I didn't care about if I had to do dishes afterwords. I just cooked it, and of course made it look BEAUTIFUL.
Here is the finished product....
I didn't even remember why I had been upset until Kaitlyn called around 9 o'clock. By then it didn't matter any more I knew it would all work out. So I told my mom what was going on. She emailed Mr. DeHaan, and we are going in to see my school counselor Thursday or Friday to figure out what we need to do for online schooling and for choir.
I keep asking myself why I was crying? Why did it hurt so much? I figured it out.... It was because I didn't hear that information from Megan. I was crushed that she had "replaced" me. She didn't even have to think about it. I'm hurt cause no one told me. I would have gone to school raised all the money I needed, and then when it came time that is when they would have told me. That's why I'm hurt, that's why I cried, that's why I didn't talk to Meg this morning after seminary.
And then the irony of it all is that this morning in seminary we learned about forgiveness. HA! Jokes on me I guess. But my questions is not how do I forgive her, because I've already done that, the question is how do I forget about it? Forgive and Forget. Maybe someday I'll figure that one out.